Three reasons why teenagers will never trust their parents

As kids, they told you everything, apologized when they were wrong, asked for your advice everyday and over everything and paid attention to what you had to say.

In a twinkle of an eye, their decisions now tower over yours and you can barely recognize them.

You feel confused and sometimes, guilty. Parenting is not easy after all!

I’d advise you keep an open mind as you consume my next paragraphs.

What went wrong?

1. Rod over words:

The average parent is skilled in the art of using weapons on his or her child in the presence of an offense. This method of correction however yields what I call 'camouflage results’. It appears you’ve accomplished what you intended to, when really, you are far from hitting the target.

The possibility that your teenager would repeat that action in your absence after an accurate whopping is very high.

It is wise to use words more than you use the rod.

It has been proven time and again that people are influenced more by what they see and HEAR.

When you get to TALK to your teenager, you do not only build a strong relationship, you pave way for growth. You make your teen see reasons for not taking a certain action.

The possibility of positive self-examination is very high when you present your words with wisdom. And guess what?You gain more respect from your teen.

2. Betraying a confidence:

This where a lot of parents get stuck. I personally remember not being able to trust my Mum because she felt too comfortable with a personal worry I shared- my fear of periods.

As a parent who seeks to EARN his or her teen’s trust, you may want to be careful what you say about him/her and how you say what say should there really be a need to say.

Just as you do not like being made a topic of discussion among people you’re comfortable or uncomfortable with, your teenager detests being made a topic of discussion in meetings with your friends, colleagues or even relatives.

It is unhealthy to your teen and your relationship with your teen if you:

•Make careless statement about him or her.

•Have personal talks aabout him or her to just anyone.
•Belittle your teenager with your words.
•Use a word shared in secret as a weapon against him or her in the presence of an offense.

Look at the difference between these two mums seeking help for their teenage daughter:

Mum1: "Oh, do you know my daughter sees her period twice in a month? Is that normal?"

Mum2: "Is it normal for a person to see her period twice in a month?"

Mum2’s girl is likely to trust her mother more, because what gets to mummy, stays with mummy. Daddies too!

Consider it an honor that your teen tells you private things.

You could help build not ruin your teenager’s self-esteem.
The more information you are able to handle well, the more trust you get.

Trust me, it is important your teenager trusts you.

Show respect and love for your teenager in your words as much as you do in your actions.

3. Mistrusting your teenager:

Having passed through the stage of life your teen is facing, it’s safe to say that you do understand the temptations that is most likely to come their way in the quest for acceptance and independence.

This is bound to make you extra careful and maybe suspicious of your teenager.

However, there’s need to be cautious so you do not push your teenager to the wall in the process of 'looking out' for him or her.

Handle discipline with care and fight the temptation to be an helicopter parent.
It could wear your teen down emotionally when you’re always suspecting and watching his every move. Give your teen some privacy and space for growth.

Do not give your teenager the impression that you expect the worst from him/her. He/she could begin to feel the same way about himself and this is one easy way to tug at your teen’s self-esteem.

Being too strict and suspicious wouldn’t make your teen trust you with his personals. No. He/She is rather afraid to do so.

Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? a young adult?

If you decide now to apply these principles, I can tell you that you’re on your way to being your teens bestfriend.

Are you facing challenges with your teenage child or younger sibling?

Are you guilty of any three?

What can you do to put balm on the situation?

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