How to tell a guy No without saying No
You probably find it nerve-wracking when an enjoyable relationship with the opposite sex takes a really bad turn because he made the three worded sentence (I love you). The problem? You do not feel the same way, and understandably so.
How do you get yourself to tell him you don't want to go in the direction of the ring or the ship with the court room in it, without outrightly saying no?
It's a brief but packed read.
1.You have the right to decide what's right for you
You're an amazing being blessed with the all-awesome gift of making a choice, and you should use it well. You get to decide what you want in your life and at what point. You should not be afraid to makes decisions you're sure is for your own good. Being in a relationship shouldn't happen at just anytime and with just anybody. If you're sure he's not the one or it is not time yet, get yourself prepared to tell him a bold 'No', without outrightly saying no of course. Be decisive. Hold your sense of worth high, keep your esteem at it's peak and do not settle for what you're sure you should not be settling for.
2. Making the right choice?
Our gift of making choices can build and can ruin. You're setting yourself in bad places if our keep making the wrong choice. Most times, this is because of ignorance, fear, lack of exposure, financial and emotional state, having the wrong team and several external influences.
Do not make decisions rashly, take sometime to perpend on the decision you've made. Even the Holy Bible says "Wisdom is profitable to direct".
Why are you saying no? Not rich enough? Not dark enough or white enough? Looking at superficial qualities before choosing a spouse is like buying a laptop in the ghetto because it has a nice colour. Look beyond the physical and explore the qualities that make up your admirer.
It's not just about him or his qualities. It is about you too. Are you prepared? Have you built enough character and strength to handle a relationship?
Surely, you have to sure you're making the right decision.
3. Be confident
Breaking the ice is not very easy, especially at the thought that you might just lose a great friend, but hard as it may seem you have to hit until it breaks. At this point, you're sure he isn't the one, and you're not going to tell him NO, you're going to tell him why you are not going to lodge on that ship with him.
Gird your loins, don't play into the hands of sweet words or get manipulated into reversing your choice, this is one big reason you have to be sure and confident. You've made a choice and you're stating it clearly to him, there's no room for bargaining here. Stand your ground and be firm on your decision.
4. Use your words carefully
Using your words carelessly when clearing the air is dangerous. You could pass the wrong message, spark rage and intensify hurt. No one loves to be rejected. It would not be easy for your admirer to deal with the reality that he invested his emotions in one who does not feel same, and for this reason you have to be tactful in your approach. Besides, you do not want to leave a bad impression.
It's improper to make statements such as
"I don't like you"
"I'm sorry, I'm not interested"
Avoid the temptation to go for the "I'm not ready/I love someone else" lie. It would be great to cross the shaky bridge and still be respected by your admirer, and telling lies would not allow you achieve that. The truth would be out someday and when he realizes you lied, he will lose respect for you, and you would have hurt him more. Besides, you may not know all your mutual friends. Be honest and be straight forward, telling lies and beating around the bush, makes things worse. Make statements like,
"I appreciate your being honest with me like this. I wouldn't like it if you were hiding it all along. This friendship means so much to me, the love and care and kindness has helped me since the first day. However, I do not consider taking this a step further a wise decision. I would love you us to keep it at the level it's at, as I'm not just there yet. This is quite scary though, cause I might lose your friendship but it's what's best for me right now."
Acknowledge that he has emotions and be firm and considerate in your presentation. If you have not been friends for long, you could make statements like,
"I'm really flattered that you feel this way about me. I feel honoured to have you want to spend a big part of your life with me. However, I enjoy our being friends and I would love it to continue that way. I sincerely appreciate our friendship, it means a lot to me"
You get the idea now, don't you? You do not have to be a person of many words to do this.
5. Waiting for the right time
You've probably told yourself this a couple of times and you'll agree that time never comes. You'll just end up making things worse, as his emotions are getting deeply involved and you're too afraid to make that one statement that could hurt him, and possibly end all the attention you've been enjoying. There is no right time to break the news, though it would be quite inconsiderate to break it to him on his birthday or parents' anniversary. The more you delay, the worse it gets, his reaction would be more intense and the chances of your friendship getting ruined completely is very high. So take charge of the radar and do what's right before you wreck the ship.
We're set!
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